Lonliness

This past weekend has been filled with nonstop studying. I've been doing so much studying that I've had to change the scenery up a little. I've moved from my bedroom to the kitchen to Concordia to sitting outside in the sunshine. So far, studying outside has been my favorite. I have my first fundamentals of nursing test tomorrow and I really want to do my absolute best. I have really utilized my time and don't think I could have squeezed in an ounce more of studying.

Since I've become a workaholic, I've have dropped into a state of extreme lonliness. It's not a very good feeling. What I've learned about myself and my study habits is that I have to study in a quite, solitary environment. This requires me to exclude myself from the world and I finally know what it feels like to not check facebook everyday! I feel like no one else in the program is feeling that same way, because they all study together in groups. I wish, so badly, that I could study in groups, because it would allow me to be with people who are going through the same thing as me. Group study sessions just make me feel lost and behind, which gives me great anxiety.

I miss being social, and laughing and not having to worry about what is due tomorrow. I find myself becoming stressed not over my school work, but over my social life. I live for Monday nights of watching The Bachelor with Jeffrey and the Nelson clan, because it's the only social interaction and relaxing time I get. I'm trying my best to relax and get into a routine, but there is just a never ending amount of stuff to do. I hope this stress doesn't fall into depression. 

Hand Hygiene

I have now completed my first two weeks of nursing school. Whew. My brain already feels like it's at its capacity, so I am at loss of words right now. I had my first clinical day in the hospital on Wednesday and that was a bit overwhelming. The first thing we learned was hand hygiene and how important we need clean hands to prevent the transmission of pathogens and diseases. But I found out that I am allergic to the foam hand sanitizer they use in the hospital. The foam or "waterless" sanitizer contains emollients to help moisturize the skin, and I'm guessing that is what is irritating my skin. My hands broke out in hives and were very dry, so now I have to keep my own hand sanitizer in my pocket. I'm basically going to have to have my own sanitizer on me for the rest of my life. Bummer.

                                                                       www.google.com

First Day of School

Today was long and exhausting. But it was finally our official first day of school! I felt like it was the first day of high school again, with getting your backpack together, picking out your super cool outfit and waking up extra early. It was exciting. And I loved that my roomies get up at the same time as me so I'm not lonely in the morning. I enjoy the company while eating breakfast, and they are a motivation to get up in the morning.

Basically, today was a major info day. So I'll try and fill you in on the next couple months of my life. I have class lecture on Monday's and Friday's from 7:30 am to 5 pm. Breaks dispersed throughout the day. Tuesday's I have clinical lab, where I will be practicing all my skills on a mannequin. Wednesday's I have my in hospital clinical from 6 am to 7 pm. I am assigned to Saddleback Memorial Medical Center (SMMC) in Laguna Hills. I was so excited to be assigned to this hospital because it is such a good reputation hospital and it so close to my apartment! And Thursday's are my catch up days for lecture and lab. Doesn't seem too bad right!?!

For clinicals, we start off with medical and surgical nursing, and I'm interested in seeing what I will learning first. I thought blogging would be a great way to help me remember what I learned for the day and jot down what I've been working on throughout the year, however, the HIPAA privacy rules have a different plan for me. I knew I was going to have to limit my thoughts on here because of confidentiality, but the more we discussed it today, the more I ma scared to talk about the things I'm doing. So I will not be discussing ANYTHING I do at the hospital. It just seems to risky to even take the chance. Especially since this last year, a girl got kicked out of nursing school for posting a picture of a placenta of facebook. I'm obviously not about to post anything like that, but I just want to be safe.

I am worried about the lack of time I will have to keep up my relationships. I can already see my mind being totally immersed in nursing.  But I want everyone to know that I am constantly thinking about you and praying for you and I really need all of your love and support right now more than ever.

We did a devotion this morning in class (one thing of love about Concordia) and we talked about Luke 9:23 "Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.'" God got me where I am right now, in this town, at this school, living with these people, and He is going to guide me into his wishes as I deny myself and turn to him daily.

                                                   

                                                        Me, Ali, and Grace on our first day!

Something NEW

...And a NEW year it is! I am getting overwhelmed with how many NEW things are going to come my way this year. It's only been 6 days into the year and I cannot believe the changes I've already bravely endured. I am slowly getting settled into my very first apartment and trying to get used to all the NEW things that go along with such a big responsibility. It was so easy living in the dorms at Concordia. I didn't have to cook, pay bills, wash dishes, or have to worry about losing my key (just to name a few). Now I feel like I'm in the real world, in complete control of my life, and it's a little scary.

Another NEW thing is learning is how to cook. I must say I am an awful cook. Anyone else would probably say I am over exaggerating just to be nice, but really, I'm awful. And impatient. There are so many things that go into learning how to cook. You have to budget groceries, learn what's on sale, learning cooking terminology, find an easy [tasteful] recipe, attempt the recipe, then you have to avoid burning, melting or setting anything on fire. That sounds like too much work for me. The past week I have been living on cereal, toast, turkey sandwiches, and yogurt. We'll see how long I can survive on that.

Again, it is only 6 days into the year and it is already speeding by. I start school in 3 days!!!

Am I ready? No.

I am feeling rather apprehensive. What if I can't do it? What if I fail? What if the program is too fast paced for me? What if I don't like it? What if I can't prioritize my time? What if I can't prioritize my money? What if tension arises between family and friends? What if my foot doesn't heal?

It's so much to take in right now that it makes me so emotional. I am excited too, but it's hard to let that side of me be known. My prayer right now is for peace and serenity for my first day of school, and to continue that throughout the year. I can't even imagine what type of NEW things nursing school will bring. Bring on the NEW year!